Dreaming of a Family Christmas
by vonnie836
Summary: How Sam came to hate Christmas. Written for the wonderful Rozzy in the Secret Santa Fiction Exchange at CWESS!
1. Chapter 1

This one was written for the Secret Santa Story Challenge at the Coalition for the Written Enhancement of Sam's Story. It is for Rozzy, who wanted something like -

_What would be really great to read is how Sam grew to loathe Xmas. Maybe it comes from having to over the years endure all the seasonal hype at school etc, only to come home at the end of the day to a totally unfestive setting and very little reward despite all his best efforts. Some trauma to help cement this into place would be good (love me a LimpSam after all ) Perhaps it can be brought about because his Dad and Dean are too busy caught up in a major hunt? _

_So simply put I'd like my little prezzie to have oodles of angst, whumpage, big brother awesomeness and maybe a contrite John - all mixed up with a heavy dose of our Sweet Sammy's view of the world!_

Hope you won't be disappointed and it does your wish justice!

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Dreaming of a Family Christmas

**Disclaimer: The Winchesters or Supernatural don't belong to me and I don't think Kripke will give them to me for Christmas either!**

Fall had been short but beautiful and now the freezing temperatures of an early winter had taken the last of the leaves down before their time. November had filled with snow and rain or sometimes both and very little sunshine. Thanksgiving had come and gone and for the Winchesters it had been just another day filled with what they did best – hunting the supernatural. At this particular time it had been a poltergeist just 10 miles into Nebraska. By the time they'd returned to their current home, the holiday had been over.

As December rolled around the weather changed and warmed to unseasonably warm temperatures of almost sixty degrees. This continued for weeks and for seventeen year old Sam, the youngest of the three Winchester men, this just felt wrong for the season. That's why he was so excited, when two days before Christmas, the weather changed and he woke up to ten inches of snow blanketing the gray of the streets and the brown of the grass. The bare trees were suddenly covered with icy crystals, which glistened in the crisp air of a sunny morning. The clear blue sky, filled with only very few fluffy clouds intensified the brightness of the day. Jumping out of bed, he took a quick shower, before getting dressing and running downstairs into the kitchen.

Dean, his older brother was sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in one hand, skimming through the morning paper with the other. Hearing the younger boy approach, he lifted his head and watched him rummage through the fridge.

"What you lookin' for?" He ask with a smirk on his face.

Sticking his head out from behind the refrigerator door, Sam responded, "Oh, let's see? How about anything edible?"

"Good luck let me know if you find anything."

"What d'you mean? It was your turn to go shopping yesterday." The younger brother stated.

"Well, let's see, kinda hard to do, if I'm on a hunt with dad."

Feeling his temperature rise, Sam gave him an angry look, "You got back right after lunch."

"Yeah, so? I had more important things to do." Dean answered nonchalantly.

"Like what?"

"Like meeting Linda James at the coffee shop." Seeing the anger in the younger man's eyes, he added, "Look Sam, I'm sorry, how about I drive you to school and we drop by McDonalds for a breakfast sandwich, my treat!"

Sam's expression softened, "Alright, but only if you make it two! Jerk!"

"You're a hard one to please, but you're on. Bitch!"

Dean got up and dug the keys out of his jeans pocket, before leading the way out of the house.

SN SN SN SN SN

After picking up the food and drinks, Dean rewarded himself with a sandwich and another coffee, while getting Sam an orange juice, he drove his sibling to school. Watching him out of the corner of his eye, the older Winchester noted the excitement, which lit up the features of his usually moody sibling.

So, what's up Sammy, you look like you saw Santa Claus and his elves."

Hesitating slightly at first, the younger brother finally couldn't hold back and burst out, "Alicia invited me to a party on Christmas Eve."

The older brother feigned surprise, "You mean Alicia Woods, blond, pixie cut, busty, leggy and smart, junior in your school with a brother that's a senior and the captain of the football team?"

He tried to hide a grin, because he had seen the glances the two love birds exchanged whenever they met. For some reason it seemed whenever Dean and Sam went somewhere in town it seemed inevitable for them to bump into Alicia at some point. It happened with such frequency that it just couldn't be coincidence. The only thing Dean didn't figure out yet was, if Alicia was tracking Sam or Sam tracking was Alicia.

Blushing slightly, the younger brother responded, "Yeah, that Alicia, she is really nice. It's her brother that's a jerk."

"Yeah well, not her fault, or is it?"

"No, it's not, she is just so different. Really sweet and down to earth and she is also smart. She has a straight 4.0 average and her favorite subjects are math and English lit."

Realizing he was rambling, Sam blushed, suddenly unsure what else to say.

Thankfully he was saved by the Impala stopping in front of the high school. Grabbing his bag, he opened the door. Waving back at his brother, he peeled himself out of the car and stormed into building, leaving behind a grinning Dean.

SN SN SN SN SN

It was the last day before Christmas vacation and most of the kids at Sam's school stayed after school for a celebration put on in the commons. The youngest Winchester decided to join them, if only for the reason to not have to answer any questions from his brother. Although they've been in this town for more than three months, it had been extremely difficult, if not impossible for him to make friends. Maybe that's why he was so excited about Alicia Woods suddenly paying attention to him and even inviting him to her party.

So for most of the time he stood or moved around, talking to the few teachers, who attended and exchanged a few meaningless words with the kids, who didn't manage to avoid him. Doubts about attending Alicia's party started to sneak up in him. What sense did it make for him to be there, if the only person talking to him was the host. Maybe he would even spoil the fun for her.

Lost in his own mind, he didn't notice the petite blonde approach him, until she stood right in front of him.

"Sam Winchester, are you ignoring me?" she asked.

"I…, uh…, I…, not really. I…" He blushed, unable to find the right words. "_You're really smooth Sammy, still haven't learned anything from your big brother!"_ He could hear Dean's words clearly in his mind.

"Just joking." The blonde assured him, "I know your mind is always busy with something. That's why I like you so much, because you are not like the other guys."

She pulled his face down to her level and pressed a quick kiss on his lips, making him blush even more.

"So I see you tomorrow at six, my house. You know where I live, don't you?"

"Yeah, about that, do you really think I should come to your party? I mean, your friends are not exactly fond of me." The sadness was clearly audible in his voice.

"Don't worry about them; most of them are really okay with you. They're just jealous because you are so much smarter and better looking." She gave him another kiss, this one a little longer lasting, then waved at him before he could say anything else.

SN SN SN SN SN

Dean and John were in the process of setting the table for supper, when Sam stormed into the house. Throwing his bag on the floor, he ran up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

Sticking his head out of the kitchen, his brother called after him, "Dinner's ready, Sammy."

"Be right down!" the younger hunter responded without interrupting his ascent.

Dean turned back and continued his task, while his father set the bowls with spaghetti and meatballs on the table. Sitting, down they served themselves, then started to eat before Sam appeared and settled at the table. Pilling his plate high with food, he ate without looking up.

John and Dean exchanged amused glances before the younger man said, "I always thought, I was the big eater in the family. Looks like you are trying to compete for that spot now."

Almost choking on the food in his mouth, Sam managed to swallow before he answered, "Sorry, food in the cafeteria sucked today."

"Well, I'm glad you like my cooking for a change, son!" John smiled.

"I guess even you can't mess up spaghetti!" Sam was surprised seeing his father in such a good mood.

"Guess not! Actually, I thought, since we have no hunt coming up and the day after tomorrow is Christmas, we could actually have a real Christmas dinner together."

Seeing the disbelief on his youngest son's face, the patriarch smiled even more.

"I ordered turkey and all the fixings from the dinner down the road. We just have to pick it up and eat it. I even brought something home that will get us in the spirit!" He pointed to the living room.

Still not sure, if he could belief his ears, Sam stood up and walked into the bordering room, finding it lit by a four foot Christmas tree. Although the ornaments on the trees consisted of car air fresheners and a few refrigerator magnets haphazardly stuck between the branches, for the youngest Winchester it was the most beautiful tree he had seen in all his life, or at least it was the first tree he ever remembered his father bringing home.

For a moment John and Dean could see Sam change into the little boy from ten years ago. It was almost as unbelievable as heartwarming to see the innocent joy in the seventeen year olds eyes. How someone like Sam, who already seen so much evil and heartbreak in his young life, could still preserve this purity was beyond understanding for the two older men, yet it was also what made them so fiercely protective of him.

Feeling the glances of the two other Winchesters on him, Sam turned and a smile appeared on his face.

"Thanks dad, now I can't wait for Christmas." Making a sudden and totally unexpected change back to geeky teenager, he added, "Better get my homework done."

"Homework?" Dean starred at him with disbelief, "Dude, who in his right mind does homework on the day, when Christmas break starts?"

"Someone, who wants the rest of the time off!" The younger brother answered with a smirk on his face.

Watching him pick up his bag and disappear up the stairs, Dean called after him, "Good one dude, still, only a geek like you would come up with that."

SN SN SN SN SN

Sitting on his bed and working on his math assignment, Sam's mind started to wander. He still couldn't belief what just happened. Being not just noticed, but even invited to a party by Alicia Woods was already more than he expected this Christmas. To have his dad not only bring home a tree, but planning a real Christmas, with turkey and family time, just like regular family, was almost beyond what his mind could comprehend.

He remembered the many occasions, when this time of year was nothing but a disappointment for him. Sure, until he was nine his father had at least tried to acknowledge the holiday. Usually that had meant some inexpensive or previously used toys for presents. Getting a tree was usually left up to Dean, who never failed to organize one from somewhere. The year Sam turned nine, John failed to show up on Christmas day and to prevent his brother from being disappointed, Dean had fibbed that John came home and had to leave again but left presents behind. The memory of unwrapping a Barbie doll brought a smile to Sam's face now, at the time though; it made him loose all his faith in his until then unfaultable father.

After that, John simply ignored Christmas, making it a day like every other. After all, the supernatural didn't take a holiday. So it was left up to big brother to help Sam retain at least some sense of normalcy by hanging up garlands and snatching a tree from wherever he could. And there were always presents, things Sam never forgot and certainly never would give up. Things like Dean's old flash light, polished until it shone and engraved with Sam's initials. Or the pocket knife the younger brother always carried in his pocket now. Until this day, Christmas for Sam was spelled D-e-a-n, and even though this would never change, it was special to have his father be the one to make the holiday happen for him.

SN SN SN SN SN

The next day seemed to crawl along, like the hours suddenly had twice as many minutes as usual, at least that's how Sam felt. Ever so often he would check his coat pocket, making sure the gift he had gotten for Alicia was still in it. It was a silver charm bracelet; he came across in one of the local stores. Inexpensive enough to not stretch his small allowance, it was very pretty but what was even more important, the charms weren't just meaningless accessories. They were actual protective symbols, which in Sam's eyes made them a special gift, something he wouldn't give to just anyone.

A blush appeared on the youngest Winchester's face as he thought about his feelings for the pretty girl. Unsure, if she returned them, he was encouraged by the attention she had given him lately. That's why he was so excited about the invitation. Too shy too talk about his feelings for her, he hoped his present would show her.

Finally five thirty rolled around and with it a Sam, who was freshly showered, dressed and ready to go. Calling a fast good bye to his brother and father, who both were in the living room, he made his way out the door. As he walked down the walk way, he heard foot steps behind him. Knowing without looking that they belonged to Dean, he stopped and turned.

"What d'ya want?" he asked slightly annoyed.

"Nothing, just wondered, if you want a ride?"

"Thanks, but I think I rather walk." Even though he appreciated it, he declined the offer.

"You sure? It's no problem to drive you!"

"I know, but I really need to walk." The younger brother insisted.

"I understand!" Dean waggled his eyebrows and smirked, then he reached in the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a small plastic packet, "Here, better take that!"

Looking at the contents of his brother's palm, Sam blushed again, which elicited another grin from the older Winchester.

"I, uh, I really don't need this Dean. It's a Christmas party, not a date."

Turning around, he walked away at a fast pace.

Dean chuckled as he watched his brother rush off. Shaking his head, he made his way back into house, "At that rate, the kid will never get laid."

SN SN SN SN SN

Sam slowed down as soon as he turned the corner. The house that belonged to Alicia's parents was only ten minutes from here and he didn't need to leave this early to get there. Yet anything was better than sitting around and counting the seconds till six came around.

Taking an alternative route through the park, he pulled the collar of his coat up and pushed his hands into the pockets. A few hours ago it had started to snow again and the new blanketed the old with a soft new coat of fluff, Sam opened his mouth and caught some of the big flakes with his tongue. He suddenly felt like a little boy again.

Tomorrow was Christmas, it was snowing and he was on his way to an actual Christmas party. What was even better, he was going to have a real celebration with his family. Overtaken by excitement, he bent down and scooped up some of the fluffy stuff, forming it into a ball before throwing it at one of the street signs. He repeated his actions several times, giving it his best effort and hitting his mark every time. When he finally quit, his cheeks were reddened and his eyes sparkling, giving him an appearance that more matched his attitude than his six foot one frame.

Coming back to reality, he checked his watch. Noting that it was close to six and not wanting to be late, he fell into a light jog in order to make it in time.

SN SN SN SN SN

When he arrived at the door, Sam took a second to compose himself and breathe deeply before ringing the door bell. Standing up straight, a smile appeared on his face, as he heard steps coming closer before the door opened.

Taking a few steps backwards, the youngest Winchester looked in surprise at Alicia's brother standing in the doorway.

"Hey Winchester, cat's got your mouth?" The tall jock grinned.

At six foot even, Brian was one inch shorter than Sam, but had a good fifty pound on the lanky teenager. He was a senior, like the young hunter, but more than a year older due to starting school late. He was also a below average student, who only maintained his membership in the football team by cheating and bullying others into doing his school work so he could keep his grades up. It was almost unimaginable to Sam that this jerk was the brother of the smart and gentle Alicia.

"Your sister invited me!"

"Oh yeah, the party! Why don't you come in?" He stepped to the side to let the other boy in.

Reluctantly taking him up on the offer, Sam walked into the house and looked around. The large entry hall was decorated with evergreen garlands and a Christmas tree decorated in colors that matched the red and gold of the curtains and furniture. Everything looked like more money than any of the Winchesters would see in their life time.

Turning back to Brian, he asked, "So where is Alicia?"

"Oh, I forgot, she wanted me to tell you, she moved the party to one of her friend's houses." The grin on his face was almost evil, "And that you really shouldn't bother to look for it, because she doesn't want you there!"

Being in total disbelief of the words he just heard, Sam suddenly felt dizzy as all color left his face and he had to hold on to the wall to keep his balance. After a moment he regained his composure enough to clear his thoughts. This couldn't be true; Alicia wouldn't do this to him, not the Alicia he knew.

"You're lying!" he almost yelled.

A laugh came from the older boy's lips, "You know, I don't like you, but I have no need to lie to you. If you want to search the house, go ahead. I promise you, Alicia isn't here. Sorry, for the disappointment, no party for you tonight!" He added with triumphant grin.

"Why?" Sam wasn't talking to any one in particular, no longer disbelieving but not able to comprehend either.

Trying to leave, he found his way blocked by the massive football player, "Hey, not so fast Winchester, I changed my mind. I think I give you a party after all. Let's have some fun!"

Before the teenager could react, he got caught by a right hook into his jaw, which jerked his head to the side and back and made him slam into the wall. Still reeling from the emotional distress it took him a moment too long to recover. By then the next blow came, this time in the form of a fist to his stomach that took the breath out of him. Jackknifing with his arms around his abdomen, he fell to the floor, desperately trying to pull air back into his starving lungs. Before he could get up, a vicious kick in the rips made him roll around, managing to move just enough so the next one missed. Ready for Brian to kick out again, he grabbed his foot and pulled, resulting in the larger boy loosing his balance and falling backwards.

Adrenaline pumping now, Sam jumped up and was surprised to find the football player back on his feet at the same time. Slamming his fist into the other's jaw, the hunter was able to drive him against the wall. Pulling back he hit the jock again, this time effectively breaking his nose and eliciting a painful moan from him.

While the older boy leaned against the wall, cupping his nose with his hands, Sam turned and started to walk away, suddenly feeling bone weary. Reaching the door, he pulled it opened, and stood holding on for a moment, when a flaming pain sliced through the left side of his back. Instinctively reaching for the offending area, he felt the warm moisture against the palm of his hand. Still stunned, he hardly felt the kick to the middle of his back, which made him fall forward onto the concrete driveway.

"That's for breaking my nose!" Brian voice filled with rage, "And this", he gave the downed Winchester another kick in the ribs, "This is for thinking a lowlife scumbag like you could even look at my sister!" He turned and slammed the door shut without giving Sam another glance.

SN SN SN SN SN

It took the youngest Winchester several minutes to get his bearings. The knife wound in his back was throbbing and with every heartbeat he could feel more blood leak out of the jagged cut. In addition, his ribs were hurting with each breath, making it difficult to get enough air in. The physical pain though was nothing compared to the disillusionment he felt. How could he have been so wrong about Alicia?

Trying to hold back the tears that threatened to run down his face, his training started to kick in. Getting up on his knees, he removed his coat, button down shirt and t-shirt, clenching his teeth together to keep a scream of pain from escaping his lips. Tearing a long strip from the t-shirt, he bunched the rest together and pressed it against the still heavily bleeding wound, securing it by tying the strip around his waist.

The cold air and icy flakes still falling from the sky made him shiver, increasing the stabs of pain tearing through his side. Carefully, yet as fast as possible, he redressed himself, before taking a minute to breathe through the agony. When he felt up to it, he stood, holding on to a tree to prevent from falling back down. Again waiting for a moment, this time to let the dizziness pass, he finally started walking.

This time the short walk back home lasted more than half an hour. Several times the young hunter had to stop and hold on to a tree, street light or what ever else was there. Every time he came to a halt, he found it more difficult to go on. The blood loss continued to make him feel woozy and the accompanying throbbing didn't improve the feeling. It was the emotional turmoil though, that made him want to just slide down into the snow, close his eyes and forget about everything that happened.

Alicia, she made him feel special, like he really meant something to her. She was the first girl he allowed himself to fall for. Sure, there had been other girls before, but he had always been able to keep his distance, to see them for what they were, teenage flings. Alicia had been different. From the moment he met her, he hadn't been able to keep a clear head. Against his better judgment he actually fell in love and even though he knew that it was just a matter of time until his father would pack up and move them again, he couldn't help harboring dreams of staying and having a future with her.

"You are an idiot, Sam Winchester!" He scolded himself as tears ran down his face. Why should he go on, why not just sit down and give in to his desire to sleep. Turning around, he leant against the lamp post, his gaze falling upon the lighted tree in the window of the house ahead. And suddenly it seemed like there was a glimmer of hope, shining from the lights directly into his heart. A smile, although very small, appeared on his face. Tomorrow was Christmas, his father and Dean were waiting for him to celebrate with them. All he needed to do was go home. His dad would fix him up and Dean would know how to help him with everything else. As long as he had them, he could dean with the rest.

Straightening as much as possible, he started walking again, this time with more determination, because no matter how many mistakes his dad had made in the past, he loved him and Sam had every intention to show him how much he appreciated his effort to make Christmas happen this year.

SN SN SN SN SN

By the time Sam made it back to their current home, he felt even more dizzy and ready to pass out. Stumbling up the few steps to the front porch, he leaned heavily against the door, while peeling the key out of his pocket and unlocking it, almost falling into the house when he opened it. He regained his balance at the last moment and made his way over to the couch, where he allowed himself to collapse. At the moment he didn't even care about the door still standing wide open.

After spending several minutes in a state between sleep and wakefulness, the young hunter became aware of the stillness surrounding him. It was never this quiet when Dean was around. His brother always had the radio or TV on, seemingly needing the background noise to concentrate. He obviously inherited the habit from their father, who had the same preference.

Slowly sitting up, he looked around, seeing the light coming from the kitchen. Obviously they couldn't have gone very far; otherwise the light would have been off. John was very conscious of their financial situation and made sure no electricity was wasted. Maybe his dad and brother went out for a few last minute preparations for the next day. So much for getting fixed up right away. Guess he would have to wait until their return.

While holding on to the side table, Sam managed to get to his feet, standing for a moment until the room stopped spinning. When he finally felt like he had solid ground underneath him, he shuffled over to the door and closed it, making sure it was locked before he took a handful of salt out of the container beside the entrance and replenished the line of the white crystal. Groaning, he turned and walked to the kitchen to take care of his injury. Right now he was too tired to make it to the upstairs bathroom with all their supplies. He knew though that his dad keep a few things in the cupboard beside the fridge. For the moment that would have to do.

Opening the cupboard door, he took out a box and made his way over to the table. After putting it down on the table, he sat down, feeling like he had just performed a major task. He closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the chair, just to jerk up, when a sharp pain stabbed through his injured back. Unable to suppress a moan, he pushed his hand against the wound, hoping the pressure would bring the pain under control. For several minutes he sat there breathing slowly in and out until the agony subsided to a more bearable level.

Finally feeling like he would be able to move again, he took the lid off the box and inspected the contents. Finding a whole pack of gauze pads, tape and a bottle of peroxide, he carefully shrugged off his jacket and shirt, before untying the makeshift bandage around his abdomen. Already aware that the wound was bleeding again; the wetness rolling down his back and into the waistband of his jeans was a dead giveaway; he wasn't surprised, when he found the cloth almost dripping with his life fluid.

He tore several long strips of tape of the roll and he laid them crosswise on the table, sticky side up, then ripped the pack of gauze open and laid several of them on top of them. Having done that, he took several more out and bunched them together, holding them tight against the knife wound, before he used is free hand to grab the taped pads and press them over the others, finishing by smoothing the tape against his skin.

By now sweat was running down his face and his lip was bleeding from him biting down on it, in an attempt to keep from crying out. He knew the injury needed proper care, preferably from a doctor, but in his case a careful cleaning and sutures from his dad or Dean would do. Now he just had to wait until both of them got back.

Weary and exhausted, Sam pulled his hand through his hair, then rubbed his eyes. As his hand went down on the table, his eyes fell upon a piece of paper lying in the middle of the table. Spotting his name on it, he picked it up and read the words written in his father's handwriting.

"_Sam, we had to leave. Bobby called about a spirit haunting a hotel fifty miles from here._

_It's been scaring the guests away and caused a lot of property damage. If everything goes alright, we should be back by tomorrow evening otherwise I call you. Dad"_

Sam let the paper drop from his now shaking hands, his vision suddenly blurred by tears. His heart was racing and felt like it was going to jump out of his chest, as he tried to wrap his mind around what he just read. This just couldn't be true. Closing his eyes, he hoped it would turn out to be just a dream, something brought on by the pain and blood loss, because he was sure his dad wouldn't do this to him. Sure, John was obsessed with hunting, but this wasn't a haunting that couldn't wait, just scared people and property damage, nothing important enough to break a promise. A promise that meant the world to Sam, because it was something he had waited for what seemed like his whole life and had all but given hope up to ever happen.

Finally opening his lids again, his eyes falling on the note lying where he dropped it, he knew there was no denying the truth, his father left, feeling a stupid spirit was more important than a promise to his youngest son.

At that moment it seemed like the world came down on Sam. The emotional distress from earlier, paired with the throbbing from his injury, which now seemed to engulf his whole body only added to the intensity of the latest blow. Unable to think coherently, the youngest Winchester felt himself shiver like a leave in the wind, physical pain taking up every inch of his body.

Stumbling to his feet, dizziness overtook, his breath coming out in fast shallow puffs. If Dean would have been here at this moment, he would have easily recognized the signs of hyperventilation and told him to sit back down and put his head between his legs. But his brother wasn't here and at this point there wasn't enough lucidity left in the youngest Winchesters brain for even one clear thought. So as his body tried to pull in the necessary oxygen, his breathing only got faster.

Struggling to make his way to the sink for some water, even though unsure what it would do for him, yet feeling the need for it, his foot got stuck on one of the table legs and he fell forward. Reflectively he held his arms out, trying to brace himself. The agony, which tore up his right arm as his wrist snapped upon impact was almost unbearable but still was superceded by the pain in his injured side when he rolled and hit it against one of the cabinets. White hot agony cursed through him, narrowing the edges of his vision and threatened to pull him into darkness. Fighting it for just a second, after all a Winchester doesn't go down without a fight, he at last gave in, realizing there was no one there to battle for.

SN SN SN SN SN

A loud moan brought the young hunter back to awareness. Lying unmoving for a moment, it wasn't until the moan was repeated that he realized it had come from him.

Slowly memories of being stabbed, coming home, finding his dad and Dean gone on a hunt invaded his foggy mind. But it took yet another moan, this one more consciously, because of moving slightly, for him to remember falling and hurting his arm.

After his vision cleared and the last cobwebs blew out of his brain, he carefully scooted back along the floor, until he was able to grab unto the handle of one of the cabinets. Using it to pull himself to a sitting position, he sat still and breathed through the pain attacking him once again. When it finally subsided to a bearable level, he continued his way up until he was on his feet. Leaning heavily onto the counter, he at last managed to straighten out somewhat and move back over to the chair he previously occupied.

Flopping down hard, he waited until his breathing had evened out, then lifted his injured limb and carefully laid it down on the table. He had hoped it would turn out to be just a sprain, but judging by the odd position of the wrist and the discoloration and swelling, there was no doubt in his mind, that the extremity was fractured. Attempting to move his fingers, he found it almost impossible without flaring up the pain again.

He would have to splint his hand and lower arm and to accomplish this task, he didn't have a choice but to go upstairs. Again he moved with extreme caution, making sure not to jar his injuries any further. Holding his right arm against his abdomen, he walked to the stairs, using his left hand to hold on to whatever was available.

The stairs proofed a real challenge, as with every step up an agonizing pain stabbed through his wound. By the time he was halfway up it was only his tight grip on the banister that prevented him from falling. Looking upwards the end seemed so far away, it was almost unreachable. Yet he knew, if he stopped now, he would never start again. So he focused on the next step, and after he accomplished this one, the one after it. He went on like this, until his feet finally reached the even ground of the second floor.

Leaning against the wall, he rested until the black spots before his eyes started to dissipate, then continued on to the bathroom. Grabbing the case with the first aid supplies, he stumbled into the nearest bedroom, not caring it was his father's. By this time he was breathing hard and beets sweat rolled down his face and onto his collar. He sat and put the case down beside him before he curled up on the bed. He needed rest for just a second before taking care of his arm. With those intentions Sam closed his eyes and fell into the darkness of unconsciousness without being aware of it.

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Daylight was filtering through the window the next time Sam regained awareness. This time it took him much longer to remember what happened. Somehow everything seemed fuzzy. When he finally did, it was the memory of the double betrayal, which caused a sob to escape him, rather than the throbbing in his arm or the excruciating pain from his back. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks as emotions overtook him. For several minutes he just laid there, until his mind cleared enough to regain some sense of control.

Rolling over, he reached for the first aid kit and pulled it closer. He let out a sigh of relief when he opened it and found what he was hoping for – a wrist brace. Taking it out of the case, he laid it out on the bed and gently put his fractured limb on top of it. Looking at the deformed extremity, he realized there was no way to get the brace around it unless he would be able to somehow realign the bones first. And although he really didn't want to, he also was well aware that he didn't really have a choice, unless he wanted to loose use of his hand. His fingers already had a bluish tinge to them and felt icy cold.

For several minutes he looked around, at the same time thinking about a way to accomplish a task that seemed almost unattainable without help. Finally he came up with an idea. Carefully standing up, he moved towards the closet. Opening the wing doors, he took one of his shirts out and wrapped it around his wrist. Sitting down on the floor, he closed the doors again, leaving only enough space to push his injured arm through. Then he pushed against the doors with both feet until his hand was tightly locked between the doors.

"This better work!" he said out loud, trying to brace for the painful task ahead. This was not going to be easy and could be very likely the stupidest thing he'd ever done.

"One, two,..."

Pushing his feet tightly against the doors, he used all his power to let his body jerk backwards. There was a snap in his wrist, at the same time as a scream escaped his lips. No longer able to maintain the pressure, the door opened and released his hand, making him fall all the way and hit the floor with a crash. Again he screamed, cradling the offending limb, while arching his back to take the pressure of the knife wound. Panting through the pain, he waited until the black creeping in from the sides of his vision started to fade away. When he finally was able to move again, he crawled over to the bed, pulling himself up to his knees.

Again he laid his arm out on the brace, giving it a close inspection. Satisfied that his agonizing move paid off and the bones seemed aligned again, he pulled the ends together and pressed the Velcro straps into place.

Glad that his arm was taken care of, he decided it was time to check the wound in his back. If the throbbing was any indication, it wasn't in very good shape. Using his good hand, he reached back and started to pull the tape and with it the outer layers of the gauze off. It took only a short glance to see it was soaked with a bloody and purulent looking drainage, so he carelessly let it fall on the floor before moving on to the layers still sticking to his back. As it was it proved immensely painful to try and tear them off and finally he gave up, deciding there had to be an easier way to do this.

"Guess a shower should take it right off." He decided.

It took him several tries to get on his feet and when he finally did, the room was moving, making him stumble against the wall and lean heavily against it. Only when the movement stopped was he able to walk, still holding on to prevent from falling. His progress was slow and by the time he reached the bathroom he felt the sweat run down his face and exhaustion threatened to overtake him. Sink down on the rim of the tub, he took several minutes to rest.

His next task turned out more difficult than he had hoped. Pulling the T-shirt over his head was painful, but he finally accomplished it. Only having one hand to pull his jeans off proved to be even more tricky, especially given the fact, that every movement jarred the wound in his back. By the time he was done, the thought of standing up again was more he could imagine, so he lifted his legs over the rim and let himself slide to the bottom of the tub.

Turning the water on and adjusting the temperature and stream, he moved forward, so the warm water could run down his back. The warmth made him realize just how cold he actually was and savoring the feeling, he let his weary body lean against the side and relax.

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A sudden shiver ran through Sam's body, making him aware of two facts. One that he fell asleep under the shower and two that there was no more hot water. Reaching for the faucet, he turned it off, then pulled a towel from the shelf unit beside the tub and started to dry off. Feeling slightly encouraged that the dressing had come off and his hand, although causing extreme tenderness when touching the area, came away clean, he moved back up onto the rim and lifted his long legs onto the floor. Using the sink he stood up and wrapped the towel around his waist.

Continuing to hold on, he tried to clear his thoughts. He felt so incredibly tired. This just seemed so wrong. Didn't only wake up a minute ago after falling asleep showering? Suddenly his mind seemed like rubber; everything was distorted and stretched out. There was something he needed to do, yet for the world, he couldn't remember what it was. And maybe it wasn't really that important. If he just would sit for a moment and close his eyes, he was sure it would all return to him.

Leaning against the wall, he slid down until he hit the floor. Letting his lids close, he was asleep before his head came to rest against the tank of the toilet.

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He was back laying in the snow in front the Wood's house, only this time he wasn't facing Brian. Instead it was Alicia looking down on him, laughing and sneering at him.

"Did you really think I could like you? You are a pathetic little nobody. I can't even say your name, it disgusts me so much."

Her face came closer and closer, finally blurring only to come back into focus, yet now it had turned into his father. The oldest Winchester was laughing loudly, his face only inches away from Sam's.

"Did you really think I wanted to spend Christmas with you? I hate you, always have. You are the reason your mother died. I can barely tolerate your presence"

Again the face changed, this time morphing into Dean. His brother leaned back, then stood up. Lifting his foot, he gave the younger man a kick in the ribs.

"Dad was right, you are a weak, you just don't have what it takes. I can't belief you are even related to me."

He walked away and left Sam reaching out for him, tears streaming down his face, "No, please, Dean don't leave me, please. No…!"

Waking up with a start, the young hunter looked around, trying to figure out were he was. He felt hot, like he was on fire, his mind to jumbled to grab on to clear thought. The only thing he knew was, he was alone and everyone hated him. Even Dean left him. The only thing, which existed, was the fire and pain in him. He deserved it because of who he was; there was no relief for him.

Letting his hand fall to the tile floor, he felt the cold coming from it. He leaned forward, permitting his body to descend onto the ground and move into a position, where he could stretch his legs out. As the soothing coolness seeped through his burning skin, hot tears rolled down onto the tiles. Sobs started to shake his body, wearing down the little bit of energy left in it. Finally his eyes closed again and he allowed sleep to claim him once again.

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The rest day was only a blur for the youngest Winchester. He hovered between recurrent nightmares from which he woke up screaming or crying and shorter lasting periods of wakefulness, during which he tried to find the coolest spot on the tile floor before falling back into a restless darkness.

By now the fever, caused by the infected knife wound had a firm grip on him and didn't allow him even enough clarity to try to replenish some of the fluids he lost from. the faucets above and beside him.

At one time he heard the phone ringing in the next room, yet it was only a distant sound, not touching him enough to wake from the depths of his fevered sleep.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to all of you, who reviewed, I tried to get back to everyone. There are a few that didn't log in - aworland and super fan 101 - thanks for your reviews also. I hope I didn't forget anyone. Also thanks to anyone, who added me to story or author alert and/or favorite. I am totally overwhelmed because I never seen anything like it. Thanks again. So now on to the second and final chapter.

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Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: The Winchesters or Supernatural don't belong to me and I don't think Kripke will give them to me for Christmas either!**

"I'm telling you, he is probably with this girl from last night again!" John Winchester insisted, while unlocking the front door.

It was just beginning to get dark and the salt and burn they've been on had turned out to be a bust. It had been kids, who caused the damage, trying to make people belief in a ghost. So they decided to return, hoping to salvage what was left of the Christmas.

"Dad, you are so out of touch." Dean shook his head, "Normal people don't let there kids go out on Christmas. It's a family day. I just have a bad feeling about Sam not answering the phone."

"Well, if he is not with the girl, then he is probably cooped up somewhere, moping because we left him."

Dean gave his father a scolding look, "Hey, this time he has every right to be upset. I told you there was no reason to go, even if it would have been a spirit."

"You're right!" John Winchester couldn't belief he was saying the words, "But you never know when property damage turns into hurting people!"

"At least you think I'm right, but that still doesn't make it up to Sam." The younger man moved into the house. Seeing the light on, he made his way into the kitchen.

John followed his son, almost running into him, when he came to a sudden stop in the doorway. Instinctively knowing that something was wrong, he pushed his firstborn out of the way and got a first look at what Dean had already seen. The small first aid kit was open, gauze pads and tape were spread out on the table. Sam's coat was on the floor smeared with blood. Yet that was nothing compared to the torn T-Shirt soaked with blood lying beside it.

"I knew something was wrong!" Dean's worry picked up several notches as he turned and ran up the stairs, again closely followed by his father.

Hurrying down the hallway, he threw the door to Sam's room open, only to find the bed untouched and the room empty.

"He's not here."

He remarked, realizing he was talking to himself, as John was already checking his room, only to come up with the same results. Without hesitation both man's ran into the master bedroom. Although it too was empty, they could see the blood on the bed spread and the torn apart larger first aid kit. Exchanging a glance of silent understanding both walked into the bordering bathroom.

The sight before them made the two men stop in their tracks. Their youngest was lying on the floor, his only covering a towel, which by now was no longer wrapped around him yet still partially covering his lower body. His sweat soaked bangs were plastered to his forehead, while the rest of his body was covered with a sheen of perspiration. Although his eyes were closed, the movement behind his lids was clearly visible.

Dean was the first to snap out of his trancelike state and let himself down to his knees, "Come on Sammy, let me see those hazel eyes of yours." He tried to coach the younger man, padding his cheek. To his dismay, the only response he got was a moan and Sam moving his face into his touch.

"Its okay little bro, we're gonna take care of you now." He promised.

He started to examine his brother for injuries; first noticing the brace on his right wrist and the discolored and severely swollen fingers. Carefully, as to not jar the injured extremity, he opened the brace.

"It's broken, but it looks like he was able to align it enough to ensure the circulation." John looked in disbelief at his youngest, unable to even imagine how the kid managed to set the wrist without help.

"There is no open wound, so this is not were the blood came from." Dean gave his father a worried look.

Gently both men worked together to roll Sam over, instantly noticing the wound in his back. Although there was no bleeding anymore, the area around the injury was swollen and had a purple-reddish color to it. The youngest Winchester was burning up, yet the heat radiating from the wound was even more intense, indicating that infection set in quite some time ago.

"Shit", John couldn't belief what he was seeing, "What in the world happened?"

"Guess it doesn't matter, at least not right now. What does matter is that we need to get him help."

"Okay, get a pair of sweats and a shirt, I don't think your brother would appreciate it, if he ever found out we took him to the hospital naked."

Even with the seriousness of the situation, Dean couldn't suppress a grin. Knowing Sam, he had to agree with his father; with his sense of modesty Sam would be more than horrified, if they wouldn't get him dressed. As a matter of fact, the older hunter was sure his brother would rather die.

While the younger man left to get the cloths, John reapplied the brace to Sam's wrist, making sure it was loose enough not to obstruct the blood flow but tight enough to support the broken bones. When Dean returned, the two of them carefully dressed their youngest, then wrapped him into the blanket the older brother had also brought.

"Why don't you get the car started, I'll bring Sam!" The oldest Winchester ordered, gently picking up his baby boy.

By the time he carried his precious burden to the Impala, Dean was sitting in the backseat, ready to receive Sam from him. Giving the younger boy to his brother, he went to close the door to the house, before sliding behind the wheel of the classic car.

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The drive to the hospital took way too long for Dean's liking. Holding his brother's sweat soaked body in his arms and listening to the moans coming from his lips was almost more than he could bear. He should have been there for Sam, should have fought his father more, instead of giving in so easily and going on this senseless hunt. If he just….

Another moan tore him out of his reverie, at the same time he felt saw Sam's face tense up before shivers went through his body. At first barely noticeable, they quickly increased in intensity until they became full blown jerks.

"We're out of time, Sam is having a seizure." Dean's voice had a desperate quality to it as he held on to his brother, trying to prevent the kid from hurting himself even more.

His answer came when the car came to a screeching hold. John tore the door open, "Stay with your brother." He ordered, then disappeared through the emergency entrance.

A minute later the back door opened and multiple hands reached in to take Sam's still jerking body from his older brother's arms. Climbing out after him, Dean noticed several people in blue scrubs surrounding a gurney on which they laid the younger man.

"Let's get him in stat!"

The order came from a petite woman with long dark hair that was pulled up into a pony tail. Instantly the team started to move, rolling the gurney inside and disappearing into a room down the hall.

Running behind them, John and Dean found themselves stopped by a nurse.

"You need to wait here." She pointed to the waiting area in the corner.

Although her voice had authority to it, Dean protested, "You don't understand, this is my baby brother in there. I need to be with him."

The strict features soften and her hand came to rest on the hunters arm, "Listen, why don't you and your father sit down and I bring you both some coffee. Then you can tell me what happened. In the meantime let our trauma team work on your brother. I promise you, they are really good at what they do."

Although still reluctant, Dean let her lead him to a chair, where he sat down. John let himself fall in the seat beside him and gave him what was supposed to be an encouraging smile.

"Sam is going to be okay, he is in good hands now."

"I sure hope you are right."

"I know I am!" John assured him, adding silently, "at least I hope so."

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It took two hours before the door opened and the same petite brunette from earlier made her way towards the two impatiently waiting men. Although she wore a smile, both could see the seriousness in her features.

"Mr. Winchester?" She asked.

"Yes!" The Winchester patriarch gave her an anxious look that was only topped by Dean's.

"I'm Dr. Marcus. I understand you want to know how Sam is doing, so let me explain. He suffered a fracture of the distal radius and ulna, the two bones of the lower arm. It looks like the break was fairly well aligned which is good because otherwise the circulation to his hand would have been only minimal, maybe even totally cut off. Now this was the good news."

She stopped, waiting to see how the men in front of her would take her words. Seeing the growing concern but also a silent strength, she continued, "The knife wound in his back is severely infected. This is what caused the fever and the resulting seizure. At the time you brought him in, his temperature was 106.3 F. We treated the seizure and brought his temp down to 103 F. Then we drained the wound and packed it. In addition, we started him on a combination of several antibiotics until we have the culture results back."

"Is he going to be okay?" The question came out as little more than a whisper, as Dean tried to hide the shaking in his voice.

"I can't make any promises, but if the antibiotics work, I think he will." She gave him another smile, this time more encouraging, "Your brother got lucky. The knife went in his back from the middle outward. If it would have gone in straight it would have sliced his intestine, possibly his spleen depending on the angle. It was certainly long enough. Half an inch higher and it would have nicked the kidney. Both would have been bad, one causing an even worse infection with toxic shock certain, the other major bleeding. As it is no major organs were hit and although he suffered considerable blood loss, we were able to replace most of it already."

The two Winchesters exchanged a relieved look, although there youngest was in serious condition, his state was not as dire as they had been afraid of.

"They are settling him in ICU now; I want to keep him there at least until tomorrow so we can monitor his temperature closely and prevent any further seizures. If you want to you can go up now and see him. It is on the third floor."

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Dean was slightly encouraged when he entered the ICU room holding his brother. The youngest Winchester was a little less flushed and for now at least there was no moaning or jerking. The latter had been what really shook the older boy up more than anything else. Right now Sam looked like he was resting peacefully, a term which could hardly ever be applied to the teenager, his bed usually looked like a battle field in the morning. Now, with his still moist dark curls and his face relaxed in sleep, he looked all but five years old.

The older brother pulled a chair up and sat down, before taking a hold of Sam's fever hot hand.

"Alright kiddo, you better hurry up and get well, because I have no intention to leave here until you do."

Dr. Marcus, who had followed the two older Winchesters into the room, smiled, not really believing the handsome young man.

"Belief me, he is serious about it." John assured her, "It wouldn't be the first time he stayed with his brother for several days.

"Well, than let's hope Sam decides to come around fast." She said, before leaving the small family to themselves.

John also sat down and carefully started to rub his youngest shoulder. For a moment both men seemed to be caught in there own thoughts, before the older hunter finally broke the quiet.

"I really would like to know how this happened. I thought all Sam was going to do was going to this party."

"That's all he told me. He was really excited about it too. He is head over heels for that girl, even if he didn't say so. I could tell."

For the first time in several hours John had to grin, his oldest was the self acclaimed expert in all matters of the heart, especially those which involved less heart and more hormones.

"I'm sure you could."

Ignoring his father's last comment, Dean said, "Yeah, well that still doesn't explain the knife wound and the broken wrist."

"It's obvious he's been in a fight. The bruises on his jaw, ribs and abdomen are a dead give away."

"And it seems like he was not just on the receiving end either." Dean mused, pointing at the abrasions on the knuckles of Sam's right hand.

A sad smile appeared on John's face, "Your brother might not be as good a fighter as you, but he surely knows how to hold his own. I bet that's why the knife wound is in his back."

Not even thinking this far before, Dean clenched his fists, a sudden burst of anger almost overwhelming him. Only when he looked at the sleeping form of his baby brother did he manage to contain his anger. Nothing else but Sam mattered right now, his attacker could wait. There was nothing that could him save him. He messed with a Winchester and no one got away with that, especially not if that Winchester was Sam.

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Morning came and went. Sam's fever had risen several times, yet never above 104 F. The youngest Winchester had woken a few times, on each occasion finding Dean and his father by his side. Feeling like coming up from a deep darkness, his fingers curled around those of his sibling, finding enough comfort to let himself slide back into the same lightless abyss again.

As morning turned into afternoon and finally early evening, the young hunter heard his brother's and father's voices for the first time with any kind of clarity. Struggling to open his eyes, he heard the gentle coaching coming from Dean.

"That's it, Sammy, open those eyes. The doc promised you would wake up soon. You don't want to make a liar out of her now, do you?"

Continuing to try, Sam finally was able to open his lids for just a second before the bright light in the room caused him to shut them again. He could hear some footsteps, before Dean started to speak again.

It's okay now, we turned the light down."

This time when he opened them, his brother's face was hovering over him.

"D'n?" He mumbled.

"The one and only!" his siblings voice was suddenly very cheerful, "Welcome back little bro."

"Thirsty!" As soon as the word came out, a straw was pressed against his dry lips.

He drank with big gulps until it was pulled away again, "Easy there, don't want you to get sick."

"Thanks!"

Dean was encouraged by the clarity in Sam's eyes. His fever had broken a few hours ago and was well on its way down, the last reading showing it at 101 F. So he was shocked, when the younger man suddenly started to breathe fast and heavy, while trying to sit up.

Holding him down proofed easy, the illness had left Sam weaker than a newborn.

"You have to calm down, Sammy. You are alright now."

Although his breathing calmed, the fear and despair in his eyes didn't, "No, Dean, Alicia…, the party…" Tears were running down his face, making the older man gently scoop him into his arms.

"It's alright, I take care of it."

By the time he laid his kid brother back onto the pillow, Sam had fallen asleep again. Dean looked up at John, who stayed in the back ground until now.

"I need to have a talk with Alicia. Something happened at that party."

"Go!" the older man encouraged him, "I take care of Sam."

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Dean took the stairs down, needing to get rid of some of his cooped up anger before he exploded. Running across the lobby, he stopped dead, when he almost ran into a tall middle aged man.

"Mr. Woods?"

"Yes, and you are?" the man gave him a questioning look.

"Dean Winchester, I'm Sam's brother." The hunter had seen the older man a few times during school events.

"Ah, yes, you can tell your brother Alicia is doing better. She should be discharged tomorrow."

Dean gave him a confused look, "Discharged? I didn't know she was in the hospital."

"Ruptured appendix, on Christmas Eve off all things, really threw the whole family for a loop. We had to take her to the hospital for emergency surgery. Brian called all her friends to cancel the party. Guess your brother didn't tell you." Mr. Woods was a little taken aback but shrugged it off fast, not all families were as close as his.

Suddenly the older Winchester brother was in a hurry, "I'll tell him. Would you please tell Alicia, we wish her the best?" Already halfway back across the lobby, he turned and called back, "Sorry, Mr. Woods, I have to be somewhere."

With that he stormed off, leaving the surprised father standing by himself.

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John was still sitting with a sleeping Sam, when the door opened and his eldest entered the room. Not expecting him back this soon, he threw him a surprised glance. It took the younger man only a few minutes to fill his father in on what he just found out.

When he was finished, he added, "I wouldn't put something like this past Brian. He's always been a bully."

"You are probably right but let's not jump to any conclusions." John was the first one to admit, he wanted the SOB, who did this to Sam punished, yet he didn't want Dean to run off halfcocked and get in trouble. His brother needed him right now.

"Don't you trust me to get it out of him?" the younger man asked with dismay.

"Oh, I belief you wouldn't have a problem with that." John snorted, "But I don't belief it's worth getting in trouble over, especially not, when Sammy here needs you."

Dean glanced at his brother, then back at John, "You're right, Sam comes first."

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The next time Sam woke up, he felt a loose grip on his hand. Turning his head, he realized it was Dean's hand holding his. His big brother was sitting in a chair beside his bed, his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open, a soft snoring noise coming from him. For a moment his mind tried to remember, combing his still slightly hazy mind for the events which led him here. Because one thing he knew for sure, this was a hospital. It was the pain in his back that cleared up the confusion and bombarded him with the horrific reality of his ordeal.

Unable to suppress a moan, he felt Dean's hand release him, as almost at the same moment his brother's face appeared above him.

"You alright there Sammy?" Although there was a smile on his face, his voice was filled with concern.

"It's Sam."

Dean grinned, "Glad to have you back little brother. You scared us for a while. You up for telling me what happened?"

He offered him a glass of water, which Sam gladly accepted. After drinking most of it, he handed it back.

"Got jumped from behind on my way back from the party, never saw the guy." The teenager mumbled, never looking at Dean.

"Now that's bullshit Sammy and you know it." The older man found it difficult to suppress his anger. What in the world would make his brother come up with such a lie?

"There was no party and, the abrasions on your knuckles tell me you didn't give up easy."

"How did you know?"

"I talked to Alicia's dad. So you're going to tell me what really happened?"

There was a moment of silence before the younger Winchester started to talk, "I got in a fight with Brian,…"

"I knew it was him!" Dean proclaimed almost triumphantly.

"He pulled a knife on me, caught me by surprise."

"Caught you from the back is more like it." The older man corrected him, "And after that?"

"I walked home, tried to fix myself up."

Overwhelmed with guilt, Dean bit his lip, "Darn it Sammy, I should have been there for you."

"Its okay, no big deal." The kid's voice sounded defeated.

"Don't say that, it is a big deal and you know it too. So does dad, why do you think he isn't here?"

"He is hunting again?" the question came out sounding awfully submissive, not at all like the usual Sam Winchester attitude.

"Dad feels bad, because he knows he screwed up. I promised you Christmas and than he left. Shit, I wish I would have told him to shove it and insisted we stay. I'm sorry Sammy; it's just as much my fault." Dean tried to hold the tears back from falling, having little success as he looked at the brokenness in his brothers eyes.

"Knowing dad, he would have made you go anyway. Nothing you could do. I don't blame you."

Deciding to let it go for the moment, the older brother continued, "So what about your arm?"

"I fell in the kitchen, must have tried to brace myself." Afraid of any more questions, Sam closed his eyes, "I'm really tired."

Dean gave his sibling a worried look. He knew him too well, to miss the signs of Sam trying to hide something. For a moment he wanted to press on to get the rest of the story but seeing the paleness and the lines of pain on the other's face made him change his mind.

"Its okay, Sammy, I'll have the nurse get you something for the pain, so you can sleep. We can talk later." He pushed some of the stray hair out of Sam's face, feeling the comfort the younger boy took from the gesture, as he leaned into his touch. A sad smile appeared on his face as he remembered how many times in the past he had done this and always received the same response as now.

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John Winchester was happy to see his youngest back home. After spending three more days in the hospital the doctor finally agreed to take him off the IV and change him to an oral Antibiotic. Although the older man saw him several times in the hospital and attempted to apologize, Sam always interrupted his efforts by pretending to fall asleep. Now that he was back at their home, John hoped he would finally get an opportunity.

There was no doubt in the older man's mind that he could never make his mistake up, but he had to at least try to do something. No matter how bad of a father he was, he loved his sons and it hurt him to know he let his baby boy down once again.

The ride home from the hospital had been hard on Sam's still recovering body and although he had been given a strong pain reliever before leaving, the poor road conditions left him wanting for more. Knowing it was way too early to take anything more, the youngest Winchester slowly made his way from the car up to his room, stubbornly refusing any help from either Dean or his father. Finally arriving there, he didn't bother with taking the loose sweats or T-shirt off. Instead he let his coat fall to the floor and carefully crawled under the covers. Completely exhausted, he was asleep by the time Dean entered the room to check on him. Smiling the older boy pulled the blanket up and tucked it in around Sam, just as he had done a hundred times before, when his baby brother was still a little boy. Silently he left the room, making sure not to disturb the younger man.

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Several hours later John carried a tray up to Sam's room. After knocking, he opened the door and walked in. He carefully set it down on the table beside the bed, then took a moment to enjoy the sight of his sleeping child, before he gently nudged his shoulder.

"Sam, I brought you something to eat."

Patiently he watched Sam starting to stir and rub his good hand over his face before his eyes blinked open.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, I brought you some supper, just some soup and a sandwich, hope that's enough."

Gratefully taking his father's hand, the teen pulled himself up to a sitting position. John positioned the pillows behind him, so he could comfortable lean against them, then set the tray on his lab.

Sitting down on the end of the bed, he quietly watched Sam eat. After a moment he got lost in his thoughts, only returning to the present, when he heard his son's voice.

"Sorry, I guess I wasn't listening." He apologized.

"I just said I'm done." the younger man explained.

Looking at the tray, he noticed the soup was half gone, while the sandwich was still untouched.

"You sure? You hardly ate anything."

"Yeah, I'm done, sorry, I'm just not hungry. I feel a little queasy; I think it's those Antibiotics they started me on. Doc explained they can do that sometimes."

Although it worried him, John decided not to press the issue right now. Instead he took the tray and set it back on the table. Taking a deep breath, he looked for the right way to start the conversation he had in mind. Not really coming up with anything, he finally just jumped in.

"Sam, I know you are mad at me and you have every right to be. I always taught you and your brother to keep your promises unless there was a really good reason not to. Now I made a promise and I broke it."

For a second the young hunter was startled by his father's confession, then he said, "It's okay, I'm sure you had a good reason."

John could see the sadness in his youngest' eyes and it almost broke his heart, "I thought I did, but I should have listened to your brother. The hunt we went on could have easily waited, even if it didn't turn out to be a dud. There was nothing urgent about it, I just got carried away. I'm honestly sorry that I let you down."

Again he received a sad look and for a moment he expected his apology to be rejected, before he noticed a slight change in the kid's expression.

"Dad, I understand, you did what you thought was right at the time. Guess we all make wrong decisions sometimes."

"Yeah, but I should have known what was right your brother sure didn't have a problem knowing. Because I wasn't there, you didn't just get cheated out of Christmas again, you also got hurt."

"It's not your fault I got hurt." Sam protested.

"Maybe not, but it's my fault you didn't get to a doctor right away."

The youngest Winchester had never heard his father voice so full of self loathing and it suddenly made him feel ashamed. All the older man ever wanted was to keep his boys safe. He suddenly felt very selfish for making such childish demands as celebrating Christmas. After all, he really wasn't a little boy anymore.

"Dad, it's okay, I forgive you. Really, Christmas really doesn't mean that much. It's just another holiday. As long as you, Dean and I are a family, it doesn't matter what day of the year it is."

Again John was caught by surprise. Remembering all the arguments he had with his rebellious boy, he never expected Sam would let him off so easy. Bending forward, he pulled him into a hug, then said, "Thanks son, if you feel this way, why don't we do something special as soon as you feel up to it."

Unable to stifle a yawn, Sam said, "Yeah, I would like that."

"Okay, then it's a deal!" The oldest Winchester smiled, "now why don't you take your medication and lie back down. You look like you could use the rest."

Without arguing Sam took the pills his father handed him, then scooted back down, while John repositioned the pillows for him. Pressing a kiss on his forehead, he took the tray and left, missing the single tear that rolled down the side of the teens face, disappearing in his dark curly hair.

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It was the first week of January and school already started back up a few days ago. Yet Sam was still not allowed back to school. While his fractured wrist was casted and healing well, the knife wound was continuing to give him fits. After it looked like it was beginning to heal, it suddenly started to get infected again and the doctor had to change him to some different Antibiotic. When this didn't work, she decided to start him back up on IV Antibiotics, allowing him to do it on an outpatient basis.

So twice a day, either Dean or John would take their youngest in for an hour of treatment. By now Sam was getting sick of being sick and if he didn't feel so weak, he would have protested against all the poking and prodding he went through.

After seven days of torture, at least that's how the teenager perceived it, his temperature was finally staying normal and Doctor Marcus was convinced they were beating the infection. Yet Sam's hope of coming off the IV's and being able to go back to school was crushed, when she told him, they would have to continue for another week, before she could be sure all of the infection would be gone.

Because Dean could tell sitting at home was driving his kid brother nuts, he started to drive to school daily to pick up assignments and turn in any Sam completed. It never seized to amaze him, how the kid managed to complete all his work perfectly, while still feeling like crap most of the time.

Throughout the whole time Sam stayed pretty withdrawn and neither John nor Dean were able to break through the barrier he erected. The two older men couldn't help but think it had to either do with the disappointment of being abandoned for Christmas or the injury inflicted by Brian. Yet with time doubt grew in both men. John had enough experience with his youngest, to know when he was angry at him and this was clearly not the case. Sam had assured him, he forgiven him for his screw up and there was no indication to doubt him. So it had to be Brian Woods, who still bothered him.

Hopeful, that the problem would finally be resolved, John fixed a special breakfast before waking his son and convincing him to eat with him and Dean in the kitchen. Although Sam would have rather curled up for a few more hours, he didn't feel up to arguing and decided it would be easier to just give in.

Taking a short shower to try and get some of the tiredness out of his weary bones, he dragged himself downstairs and sat down. John set a plate with eggs, pancakes and bacon in front of him, while Dean filled his cup with coffee, handing him milk and sugar.

"Here, I know you like to drink your coffee like a girl, Samantha." He teased, trying to lighten the mood. Disappointed when he didn't get a reaction out of his brother, he continued, "I really think you should read today's head lines."

He handed him the paper, which Sam took with a disconcerting level of disinterest.

Almost ready to just put it aside, he decided to humor Dean and at least take a look at it. There was no way for him to miss the head line on the front page.

Local Teen arrested for arson!

The story underneath told about how Brian Woods, the eighteen year old son of Richard and Lorna Woods being arrested after a knife with his finger prints was found at the grocery store on seventh street after the building burned down several days ago. Brian didn't have a alibi for the time of the arson and a passerby reported seeing someone matching his description in the area.

Sam looked up and for a moment starred at both his father and older brother.

"Did you blame him for this?"

"Yeah, it was pure genius, wasn't it?" Dean smirked.

There was a level of disbelief in the younger boys eyes, "Please tell me you didn't set that store on fire."

"Do you really think we would do something like that?"

For a moment there was silence in the room, than Sam looked at his father, "No, I don't!"

"It was a minor fire demon that caused the store to burn down. He was so powerless; it took me no time to exorcise him and send him back to hell. It actually was Dean's idea to blame the arson on Brian, so he would get what he deserved."

"If you ask me, he got off way too easy." The older boy stated, "I wanted to beat the shit out of him, but dad finally convinced me, that you wouldn't want that."

He looked at Sam, anxious to see his reaction. When it finally came, he was disappointed.

"Thanks, I'm glad you didn't get yourself in trouble for me." He stood up and started to shuffle out the door, leaving his food almost untouched.

"Don't you want to eat something?"

For a second he stopped like he was considering it, then he shook his head, "I'm not really hungry, just tired."

SN SN SN SN SN

After Sam left, Dean looked at his father, his face reflecting the disappointment his father felt.

"Guess that was a failure. I really hoped seeing Brian get punished would lift his mood a little."

"Yeah, me too. There is definitely something else that is bugging your brother." John was getting really worried about his youngest state of mind. He never really understood how to deal with the more sensitive nature of Sam's mind and this made him once again wish Mary would be here.

"Well, it's time for him and me to have a heart to heart. I have a feeling, if I do a little digging, he will break eventually." Dean stated, hoping he still knew his brother well enough to get through to him.

Getting up, he made his way upstairs and entered the teenager's room without knocking. Finding him in bed again, he sat down, not waiting for an invitation he knew would never come.

"It's time to talk little brother." He started, giving Sam an expectant look.

The uneasy feeling the younger boy had from the moment Dean entered his room intensified when he looked in the others eyes. He knew the look and it usually meant his sibling wouldn't let up until he got what he wanted.

"I really don't feel that great Dean. Can't it wait until later?" He gave him one of his patented puppy-eye looks.

For a moment Dean was temped to give in. He'd never been able to resist those eyes, yet he also knew that his brother only wanted to get out of the conversation that he was planning to have with him.

"No, it can't wait. I want to know what's going on."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Sam tried to turn over but Dean prevented him by putting his hand on his shoulder.

"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"How would I? I was doing just fine until you came waltzing in here and wanted to talk."

"Right, you are doing just fine. That's why mope around like you do. Seriously Sammy, I know you since you've been in diapers and this is not you being okay" Dean leaned back in the chair, waiting for a reaction. He didn't have to wait long, even if it wasn't quite what he had hoped for.

"Okay, so I'm not fine." Sam confessed, "But I really don't want to talk about it."

He closed his eyes, hoping Dean would get the message and leave. After several minutes of silence he could still feel the other man's stare on him. Opening his lids again, he found himself gazing into his brother's green orbs.

"You don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but then you have to put up with me sitting here all day and all night, if I have to. Or you could just get it over with and we both can do what we really want."

He sat through another few minutes of silence, only this time he could see the wheels in his kid brother's head spin. If he had any doubt he accomplished what he came to do, it was erased, when Sam hesitantly started to talk.

"Alicia, she....ah, she just played with me."

Dean could see how difficult it was for the teen to say the words out loud; the tears standing in his eyes said it all, even if the brokenness of his voice wouldn't have told the story already. For a moment he searched for the right words, when a thought crossed his mind.

"Did she tell you that?" He questioned, knowing it was impossible Sam could have seen the girl after leaving for the party on Christmas Eve and at that time he was still in seventh heaven.

"Brian did!"

"And you believed him?" Dean was surprised.

"Why would he lie to me?" He asked, as a tear made its way down his cheek, "There was no party and she never called me to cancel either."

Looking at his brother, Dean couldn't help being reminded of a younger version of Sam crying over someone stealing his favorite teddy. For just a second he wanted to take him into his arms but then thought better of it.

"Guess you're right", He said, "Except that at the same time Brian told you that, Alicia was in surgery getting her ruptured appendix removed."

Sam starred at him like he had just been told the sky was green and the supernatural didn't exist.

"Close your mouth, Sammy before you catch a draft." Dean smirked.

"But....?"

"How do I know? I ran into Mr. Woods in the hospital lobby. He told me to let you know Alicia was doing alright. Brian was supposed to call everyone and cancel the party."

"He lied to me? He didn't call me so I would come to the house and he could tell me face to face that Alicia was only playing with me."

Sam still couldn't belief that Brian was actually capable of something like this. Sure, he had experienced the cruelness of human kind before, but it had always been in an open, up front approach. Even the evil of the supernatural world was not sneaky, with the exception of maybe demons and a few of the monster capable of thought.

"I know this seems unbelievable to you, but that's the kind of person Brian is. He didn't just take pleasure in lying to you; he also tried to beat you physically while you were down."

"Guess he didn't know what Winchesters are made of though. He didn't expect I could take him."

Dean was happy to see a smile appear on Sam's lips when he said the last words.

"Yeah, you don't beat one of us in a fair fight", He smirked, "Not even Samantha." He couldn't help adding.

"At least you admit you don't fight any better than a girl." The younger boy grinned and this time Dean was not only glad for the come back, he also gave it to him willingly, because it was proof his brother was on his way back.

Still, there was a lingering concern in the back of his mind and he couldn't help but ask, "So you're okay now kiddo?"

Sam locked eyes with him for a second before he answered, "Yeah, yeah, I am or at least I will be."

"The last few weeks haven't exactly been a walk in the park, have they? I'm sorry for not being there for you on Christmas Eve."

"Dean, it's okay, we've been over that before. I'm not mad at you."

"What about dad?" the older man gave him an expectant look.

"Nah, dad and I, we're okay. We talked."

"Dad and you talked?" Dean couldn't hold a snort back, "I would have liked to see that, I'm amazed the house is still standing."

"Hey, we are not that bad!" Sam defended.

"No, worse!" his brother replied, still giggling and caught of guard, when a second later a pillow hit him in the face, "Guess I better get out of here before I get in more trouble." He stood up and walked away. In the doorway he stopped and turned. Opening his mouth, he was stopped by Sam, "Thanks, Dean, I'm glad we talked!"

"Any time little brother, any time." The older hunter smiled. It was good to know that he still knew how to be the big brother Sam needed.

SN SN SN SN SN

After Dean left, the younger boy scooted down in his bed and rolled over to his stomach. His knife wound still hurt but he could tell it was starting to heal and his wrist, although fairly useless because of the cast, didn't give him any pain at all.

Closing his eyes, he thought about his conversation with his brother. He was glad to know that Alicia didn't mess with him. It took away the emotional agony of feeling betrayed. Yet there was still a sting because he knew their relationship would never happen now. How could he ever face her, now that Brian was going to jail? He couldn't imagine listening to her talking about her brother, knowing that he was the one who caused this. Not that he felt guilty for it, Brian got off easy, yet he still couldn't see himself dating his sister.

Letting his mind wander, he thought about his father and their conversation. He really meant it, when he told the older man that he forgave him. And he was glad for it. But forgiving didn't mean forgetting. His dreams of a family Christmas were crushed and although John had promised to make it up to him, it was not going to be the same.

So right now and here the youngest Winchester decided he was done with Christmas. No more hopes and anticipation. He would ignore it and treat it like any other day of the year. With that thought in mind, for the first time since December 24th feeling actually at peace, he fell asleep.

Sam Winchester's life had gotten just a little poorer for giving up a childhood dream. Little did he know that years later, under total different circumstances, the fear of loosing what he loved most would give him back the dream he gave up as a disillusioned seventeen year old.

FIN

So this is the end. Let me know how you liked it. Hugs, Vonnie


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